Knowing what to say when someone passes away can be a challenging task. If a friend or colleague has lost a close relative, they will probably be quite sad and in mourning. Many people refrain from speaking out of worry that they will say something inappropriate. This blog post explores ways to express your condolences.
Do Not Avoid the Subject
Avoiding the topic of death will not go unnoticed and may be seen as cruel or dismissive. It may seem self-evident to state how horrible the death is, but doing so demonstrates your understanding of how dreadful losing a loved one is. “I heard about John, such terrible news,” for instance. Don’t be scared to ask questions. Talking about death can be a source of comfort for a bereaved individual. Try something like “How are you coping?” or “Do you have enough support/can I help in any way?” instead of “How are you?” Not talking about the deceased can exacerbate the mourning person’s situation. Try bringing up happy recollections of their loved ones or admirable qualities they possessed.
Empathy
It’s a frequent misconception that everyone experiences the same grief when a loved one passes away. Saying something like, “I can’t imagine how you must be feeling,” demonstrates empathy for their predicament rather than contrasting it with your own.
It is also important to acknowledge that there may be anger. If someone who is grieving responds emotionally or aggressively to whatever you say, apologise and go away. Anger is often not directed at you, and attempting to address it could make the situation worse. It results from being overwhelmed and grieving.
Keep in Touch
After a funeral, it’s all too easy for communication to wane. Try to follow up to let the person who is mourning know you are thinking of them. Asking how they are handling things with a simple phone call or message can make a big difference.
What NOT to Say
Things You Shouldn’t Say. The following list includes some instances of inappropriate condolences to say to someone who has recently lost a loved one.
- Time is the best healer
- I understand how you’re feeling. My grandfather passed away not long ago.
- You must move on
- Now they’re in a happy place
- Everything happens for a reason
Contact WillFinda on 01376 350976.
